A Modest Proposal to Improve World Sanity

- by Patricia McLinn

This is a serious proposal.

I propose that one day a month be designated as worldwide Update Day.  On that day, every software for every program for every gadget will do their updates for the month.

This includes operating systems, internet providers, web browsers, apps, mobile phone networks, cable systems, firewalls, spyware protectors, adware protectors, anti-virus, anti-phishing, internet banking, all internet shopping, all online information for all governmental entities, and anyone else who updates any material that the rest of us have to deal with. What the heck, throw in the monthly emergency alert system tests on that day, too.

We’ll pick one day — let’s say the 19th, because it should interfere with few other holidays (the floating holidays are on their own), and it’s over the hump of all months.

On that day, the Updaters have from midnight to midnight (in a time zone to be determined later) to make our computers, phones, cable, and other equipment as inoperable as suits their little grabby souls while they insert updates that no one really wants.

On that day, the rest of us will walk our dogs, work in the garden, paint a room, wash the car, sip coffee in a cafe, read a book or two, write a letter, talk to our neighbors … and not Tweet or Facebook about any of it (at least not until the 19th.)

However, the Updaters must — I repeat MUST – ensure that all updates are compatible and do not impair, impede, intrude or otherwise make inoperable any other software, hardware or — above all — user of any such software or hardware.

Any Updater who does not adhere to this requirement or any other requirements of Update Day will have all his or her current information, as well as his or her least flattering yearbook photo, posted publicly on the Web. In the case of a corporation, it will be the information of the executives and the board of directors. For a university, the administration and trustees. For a governmental entity, the top administrators, the Cabinet-level overseer and the members of the Congressional oversight committees.

Consolidating the inconvenience, hassles and annoyance to one day a month is infinitely more efficient than the current system … Which produces solitary cries from throughout the land of:

“Leave me unupdated and let me do my work!”

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